If a global pandemic can teach us anything, surely it’s that nobody should be ironing anymore?

In these unprecedented times, when everyone has been forced to examine what really matters in life, and what we thought we valued before now pales into insignificance, surely we can all agree that there is no longer any need to do ironing? As an early adopter of this new way of living, I haven’t ironed for years but I appreciate that not everyone is as avant garde as me. However, there can surely no longer be a logical argument in favour of slaving over an ironing board in 2021, can there?

Ironing, so-called due to the way it shackles you to domestic drudgery, is not necessary: fact. Do ironed clothes look better than non-ironed ones? Yes, I’ll give you that. Do they look enough better to justify the time and effort spent doing it? Hell no! In fact, after 30 minutes of wear, they look the same. I will explain…

The truth is that when you iron clothes, they start off lovely and smooth but start to deteriorate from the moment you put them on, becoming more creased and wrinkled as you wear them. Non-ironed clothes, on the other hand, improve with wear as body heat removes the wrinkles of the washing process. In a very short period of time (certainly before you’ve even left the house), they are practically indistinguishable.

Nobody should be ironing in a pandemic

Having seen the light on this issue many years ago, I struggle to comprehend why anyone would bother at all, but during a pandemic when we’re in lockdown and nobody is going anywhere anyway – WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Also, who are you doing it for? You cannot see wrinkles on Zoom.

The time has come to emancipate yourself. If not now, when? The movement is already strong, with many converts already sold on the futility of this task. Join us now. What we need is herd immunity to wrinkles; a collective lowering of standards, for when we all ditch the irons, we all become free.

I will admit, some fabrics do require ironing: cotton shirts, linen trousers and so on. The answer to this is just don’t buy them. You will soon learn to buy better (and care less).

You may think you can’t do it. Your mind may be telling you that ironed clothes are necessary for your social status, that non-ironed clothes are less comfortable, and that people will judge you for your wrinkles and creases. These are lies, fed to you by a fascist, corporate regime that seeks to shame you, and sell you irons. They are laughing at you; be their slaves no more. I actually judge the people who do iron: the sheeple who fail to question the status quo.

Just as people used to dry their clothes with a mangle and black their steps (whatever that is), time moves on and you have to too. Ditch the iron, emancipate yourself from domestic drudgery, and join the iron-free revolution.

Say it loud and say it proud “creases do not define me!”. Are you with me?

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