I recently received an e-mail from a company asking me if I wanted them to continue to keep in touch. Apparently I was on their mailing list, though had never heard of them, and it was a very polite, professional e-mail saying that they’d like to keep me informed of their many and exciting ventures in ‘Capital Raising Options, Commercial and Retail Property Investments’ *yawn* but, and I quote “If you do decide to unsubscribe we will not be offended, it’s better that we’re talking to each other because we want to be.”
I work in marketing so I know a fair bit about e-mail marketing and I was quite impressed by their proactive approach to best practice; keeping their e-mails targeted and ‘opted in’ while also using the opportunity to get in touch with their database. Bravo Professional Equity Solutions Ltd.
Having said that, I have no idea how I ended up on their database in the first place. Not having a big interest in capital raising options, commercial and retail property investments I decided to exercise my consumer choice and opt-out; safe in the knowledge that they “would not be offended”. After all, Frank O’Donnell, it’s better that we’re talking to each other because you want to be. What a mistaka to maka.
Shortly afterwards I received this reply “Done, I just love it when marketing companies unsubscribe, it okay to market just not to me, brilliant.” It would appear that Frank IS in fact offended and that it’s NOT better that we’re talking after all. Bummer, after all the promises you made Frank.
Of course I replied to apologise for my error; I hadn’t realised that I had unwittingly selected the ‘Unsubscribe me apart from the sarcastic, knee jerk, unprofessional instant reply’ option. I did congratulate Frank on his adherence to e-mail marketing best practice but felt the need to point out that abusing people when they do with childish messages probably belongs in the ‘best not if you ever want to be taken seriously as a professional person’ box. That insightful marketing advice I offered completely FOC. No need to thank me, it’s just what I do.
I don’t know whether to feel special. I wonder if he replies to everyone who unsubscribes with a ‘who’d wanna e-mail you’ type response or was it just me? It did remind me of the odd rare occasion when I would get chatted up, graciously decline only to be told ‘lesbian, I didn’t fancy you anyway’. I can just imagine Frank now sitting at his computer, taking a break from composing fascinating e-mails about capital raising options, commercial and retail property investments, looking at my reply and thinking ‘YEAH BUT AM I BOVVERED THOUGH???’
Good luck with the rest of your campaign Mr O’Donnell and if you need any help with e-mail marketing… I’ll have to graciously decline (I’m sure you didn’t want to work with me anyway).